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[personal profile] zhadrani
I'm lying out on a lawnchair in my backyard at 1:30 AM, pillow tucked behind my head and computer perched atop the wool blanket covering my legs. Three cheers for a laptop with a working battery—hopefully the mosquitoes won't eat me alive too terribly while I'm out here. :)a

Why am I out here? Partially to watch for the last hurrah of the Perseid meteor shower—my Dad saw a massive one go by a few hours ago—partially just to starwatch, and mostly because I realized—hey. I can sit in the backyard in the quiet, cool dead of night and look up at the sky, and damned if it doesn't make me happy. I've been aimlessly restless for hours, but I can be still, now.

We don't have a telescope, although I'd like to get one someday, and pretentiously learn all the constellations by heart and be able to see Jupiter's moons any old time it strikes my fancy. We do have a fairly nifty—HEY! Oh, no, just a stupid plane. Dammit. ...Anyway. We do have a fairly nifty pair of binoculars, and it's still amazing to stargaze through them. The moon isn't out tonight, but Jupiter is blazing clear and bright over our eastern gate, and the Big Dipper is as reliable as ever. I can't find my old favorite, Orion's Belt, which is usually the first pattern I ever spot, but the view is far from 360 degrees, back here, so I won't be put out with it for hiding from me.

Without the binoculars all I can see is black, scattered with a very few individual pinpricks of light. With the binoculars—[pause as I pick them up and stare, stare]—the sky is far from as lush as it should be, but with the binoculars there are more. Flickering, palely, and the far fainter smatterings of stardust fill in the background.

It always, always pains me, when I look up and remember that this isn't what it's supposed to look like. This isn't what human beings have stared up at in awe, created stories and gods and monsters around, what lit inspiration in their hearts and imaginations over the ages, and the ages. This is a gutted, superceded midnight sky.

My junior year at college, there was a blackout at night that wiped out the power for half the city, and when I got over my immediate consternation, faced with an abruptly blackened computer screen, I leapt up, grabbed a beach towel, and bolted out to set up camp on the basketball court outside my dorm and just spread-eagled and devoured that gorgeous star-lit sky for at least an hour. Similarly, one of the reasons I loved visiting my grandparents when I was a kid was because they lived in the middle of nowhere up in the northern Californian redwoods, and all I had to do was go outside on a clear night and tilt my head back and god, the universe was just spread out for me to look at. It strikes me dumb every time, it's so god damn beautiful. Endless and infinite and insert every cliche rapturization you want in here, it's never exaggeration to me.

...It's so quiet, except for the singing of crickets and the very distant sound of cars. Ah. I love it.

I could go on about fandom things now, about my current love affair with Inception and the explosion of beautiful tales about it that have sprung up literally overnight, or about things on the RP front. I've been meaning to do both for a few days now. ...But I find I'm not in the mood. Another time. o/
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